We lost the baby.

Over the weekend, I miscarried naturally. It happened very quickly, beginning Saturday morning and over by midday Monday. On Monday afternoon I saw my doctor to confirm. At 8 weeks, I heard a healthy heartbeat. At 9 weeks and 3 days, I lost the pregnancy.

It's hard to know how to blog about this. It seems like I could write a whole book, or nothing at all, but anything in between is insufficient.

Mike and I are coping okay. We appreciate the kind words we've received from friends and family, and even the words that don't come out quite right... we know that people often do not know what to say but wish us well.

I am doing fine physically. There really is no answer for why this happened. I am just trying to stay healthy, and we will try again when we can. 

First Gifts

We have received our first baby gifts!

The first batch was from my dear friend Jenn. She was one of the people I blabbed to a little early... we were talking babies and I spilled the beans. Jenn is a wonderfully generous and thoughtful person and she sent me a box of awesome parenting books. She's an editor at a small publishing company and we found her name in the acknowledgments of some of these books - how cool!

The second package came from my mom, a first time grandma. It bugged me out to hold up that little shirt (it says "peace") and picture having a baby that small... then bugged me out even more when I read the tag and saw it's for a six month old! I can't imagine having such a teeny baby, even though I have held my fair share of newborns before. 

The socks are adorable, in a set of six different colors and all printed with a sneaker pattern. The book is a fun little fill-in-the-blank keepsake book with a goofy, silly style that is perfect for Mike and me. The illustrations are really cute 60's style cartoons... we're going to enjoy writing in that together.

So we went "fantasy shopping" at Nebraska Furniture Mart today and just picked all the things we would buy if money were no object... not just baby gear, but we still need furniture for most of the other rooms in the house as well. It's somewhat hard to find pieces we like, since we don't share the Midwest's love affair with shades of brown, but there were a few cute things to add to our fake shopping cart, like a cute lime green loveseat and a retro red leather sofabed (not for the same room!). We managed to find a few simple cribs that were acceptable, though most of them were huge hulking behemoths. I don't understand why cribs now look like giant sailing vessels that need their own zip codes - ? Babies are still really small these days, right?

The Third Human

Happy New Year friends & family!

In 2009, we resolve to... add another Human to the family! And we are on our way, as I'm 9 weeks pregnant today. We waited until Christmas to begin telling everyone, but we've known since the day after Thanksgiving. It was hard to keep quiet - we are not good at keeping secrets, and actually we blabbed to a couple of people early and swore them to secrecy til Christmas.

On Christmas Eve I had my first doctor's appointment. I did not think it would be too exciting so I told Mike to skip it and go to work as usual. The doctor gave me a mild fright when she examined me - she said that we probably would not be able to hear the hearbeat until I was 10 weeks along, and I was only 8 at the time... but the moment she touched my belly she ran out of the room saying "I'm going to get the Doppler!" I lay there thinking, holy crap what if I'm like 12 weeks along and didn't know it?? But when she came back she said that because I'm so slender we might hear it... and sure enough, she found the beat - strong and fast, at 144. I wish Mike had been there for that - it was so cool - but he will hear it next time. 

To answer the most commonly asked questions: Yes, we were trying. Yes, we will find out the sex as soon as we can (it will be at the end of March). No, we don't really have a preference but we are both guessing girl. We do have some ideas for names but nothing we want to publicize just yet. I feel really well, I have had no morning sickness, have been a little tired some days, but not every day, and other than that don't have any unpleasant symptoms. I do want to eat everything in sight sometimes, and at other times all food tastes like wood. But overall I'm great. The doctor did clear me to work through my pregnancy and said that I should wear a mask for safety, but that paints these days are pretty harmless. And my estimated due date so far is August 6th. 

We're really excited and it has been so much fun telling everyone. We've gotten the best reactions from people we know who already have kids - they all tell us it's the best thing in the world and we're going to love being parents. I figure if the battle-worn still get excited about kids, it must be a pretty good experience, haha. We will be updating frequently so check back to hear more as my belly grows....