Monday, July 20, 2009

Why I Love and Hate Sports So Much.....

This past weekend I, like many people in the world, were glued to our TV set watching what we presumed to be history in the making. I am not talking about the Erin Andrews sex tape. I am talking about a 59 year old Tom Watson almost winning the British Open and becoming the oldest man in the history of golf to do such an achievement.

I sat there Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning watching this remarkable drama play out only to have mine and many, many millions of other people's hearts broken on the 18th and final hole of the championship. This poor guy blew it on the last hole.

Technically, he didn't blow it right then and there. He had an opportunity in a 4 hole playoff to win, but he knows and I know and the world knows, that it was over before the playoff even started.

This is why I love and hate sports. Sports is the one passion play in this world that can suck you in and tear you apart, if you let it. There is no greater joy or pain (that has absolutely no bearing on your existence) than having your favorite team win it all, or blow it big time.

That's the crazy thing about sports too. It really doesn't (and should not) have any bearing on your well being. If it does have a bearing on your well being than chances are you are gambling on it, and in my opinion you are not really a fan if you need to wager money on a game in order to enjoy it.

Why do I have such a healthy opinion on keeping a safe distance from yourself and your favorite team?

Because I am a Knicks fan.

If you are a Knicks fan over the age of 25 than you know all too well about pain and heartache. You, like me, sat there and watched Michael Jordan tear our hopes and dreams apart like no other. If you are a Knicks fan than you know what I'm talking about when I mention "The Dunk" (the highest of highs). Then again you know exactly who I'm talking about when I mention someone going 2 for 18 in game 7 (the lowest of lows). Being a fan of the Knicks is all about heartbreak, I could go on and on about the pain and sorrow that all Knicks fans share.

At what point did I stop letting this game affect me so much? It must have been when Reggie Miller and the Indiana Pacers started embarrassing my beloved Knicks that I said enough is enough. If I let a chump like Reggie "Cheryl" Miller spoil my good mood than what's the point? I knew I had to let go otherwise I would be doomed.

That is why it's better to keep a safe distance from your emotions and your love of sports. It can only lead to a deep rooted pain that can barely be cured. Just ask any Cubs fan.

**** Oh by the way. If you clicked on the Erin Andrews sex tape link hoping that it was the real thing: Thank-you. I have always wanted to "Rick-roll" somebody.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The war on "Whatever"

Can we talk about something? I need all the people in this world who handle their responsibilities on a daily basis to do me a favor. I'm talking about those of us who pay our bills, pay our taxes, stop at red lights, drive the speed limit, don't litter, say thank-you when someone holds the door open for you, actually hold doors open for people, say excuse me when necessary, take care of your children, show people common courtesy, etc. If that is something you can relate with then I'm talking to you.

The next time you hear somebody who is not being responsible for their actions say "Whatever." I want you to verbally kick their ass. I don't want you to physically kick their ass (that could lead to lawsuits), but I do want you to lay in on them with a tirade like they have never heard before. Basically, I want you to act like this guy (warning EXPLICIT LANGUAGE!!!).

We need to take a stand against this behavior!! We the responsible people in the world need to sort this out once and for all. It's the only chance this country is gonna survive in a global economy.

There are times when I see really stupid behavior go by unchecked because we are forced to say "whatever" to those who live in a "whatever" world. This has been happening far too often and I hold one person responsible for this.

George Lucas.

That's right, Mr. Star Wars himself. You know why I hold him responsible? After he butchered my favorite childhood memories, with those pathetic sequels to Star Wars, his response was basically "whatever." He was like "These movies have made hundreds of millions so all those people couldn't have hated it. If people didn't like it, it wouldn't have done so well"

Hey dude, up yours!! I went to see those crappy movies because I had to. It was like I had no choice - my biological clock would never have forgiven me if I didn't go see pieces those of poo. The original trilogy owned a part of my life for like about 17 years, I had to pay my respects. The prequels were the most anticipated moments of my life.

I figured something out though. We all agree that Empire Strikes Back was the best of the original trilogy right? I mean, if you disagree with me than your opinion on movies is crap anyways so suck it! Did you know that George Lucas didn't even write the screenplay or direct the movie? Granted, he did write the original storyline, but for those of us who have seen it over a hundred times, we all know that the beauty of that movie is the witty dialogue, the amazing action sequences and the depth of character development (not to forget the brilliant score by John Williams). Empire Strikes Back was what made the original trilogy so great.

Instead of George "I ruined Star Wars for everybody" Lucas directing Empire it was Irvin Kershner who directed the film and Leigh Brackett who wrote the screenplay. Ain't that something? I mean, this guy Lucas takes all the credit for making my entire winter break in1981 manageable (my sister worked at Cinema East in Nyack, N.Y. at the time and got me into the theatre every day that week, thanks Jen) and yet he hardly had as much to do with making that film so brilliant as he likes to take credit for. What a dick.

So when The Phantom Menace came out in 1999, it was I who stood in line, along with millions of other superfans, waiting with anticipation for what would become the biggest letdown of our lives. That movie was ca ca poo poo pee pee. I could write a manifesto about how much that movie sucked, but we all know what I'm talking about.

The critics agreed with me that this movie was horrible and not just because of Jar Jar Binks (dammit! I promised myself to never speak that name). It was horrible for the poor acting, the crappy story, and the fact that the only cool character (Darth Maul) was in it for like 10 minutes. I blame all of this on one man.

So what does George Lucas do when it's time to make the next two movies? Does he put his enormous ego aside for the greater good? Does he say, "hey, maybe someone else should direct these next two and I'll just focus on special effects and counting my money." No. Instead he says "whatever" and just goes about his way ruining a franchise. Hey, at least he got his money. Doodie-brain.

So if you see someone at work or at home or at the strip club who is not pulling their weight and you call them out for it - if their response is "whatever," I want you to think about all the times "We" the hard working people of America get stepped on. Think about all the times "We" the responsible ones have been screwed by greed and ego and I want you to respond like this .

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Gospel of Food

I once read that Americans view food with the kind of passion and imbue it with the kind of higher meaning usually reserved for religion; I think the comment was meant to be disparaging of such an attitude, but when I mentioned it to Mike, we both took a shine to the idea. Now our running joke is that food is our religion, and in fact when we tell our friends on a Saturday afternoon that we're headed to "church," they know we mean Whole Foods.

Three years ago Mike and I decided together to become vegetarians, for ethical reasons. I don't usually talk about the animal rights aspect of this decision, because I feel it tends to annoy more than convert; so suffice to say, we think animals have feelings and we decided not to eat them anymore.

Even if you don't believe that pigs have personalities, there are so many reasons to eat vegetarian, or at least limit your consumption of meat, it's hard for us to understand sometimes why more people don't eat this way.

*It's environmentally friendly. Everyone knows about cow farts and methane gas, but there are many other aspects of meat production that damage the environment, from animal waste to deforestation to the use of petrochemicals. The farm animals that we eat - including cows, pigs, chickens, and even salmon - are fed mainly on corn, because corn is subsidized by the government and corn is cheap and corn is fattening. But corn also takes up a lot of arable land and is grown with a lot of petrochemical fertilizers and pesticides. Here's one crazy true fact: if every American ate the equivalent of three fewer cheeseburgers per week, the positive effect on the environment would be like taking every SUV in the country off the road. Here's another: if everyone on the planet ate the way Americans eat, we would need two and half more planets to sustain that level of meat consumption.

*It's better for your health. Everywhere you look in medical recommendations, you find the same exact nutritional advice: eat whole grains, "good fats" (nuts, seeds, olive oil), lots of produce, and not too much of animal products. Diabetes? Same advice. Heart health? Same advice. Cancer prevention? Same advice. And yet where people usually turn for nutritional advice is either TV fast food commericals or fad diets (eat no carbs! eat no fat! eat this insanely specific combination of carbs and fat!). Most Americans eat way more meat than is necessary or even beneficial to their bodies - you only need the equivalent of 2-3 ounces of lean meat per day, yet the average American eats more like 12 ounces daily. One of my heroes is food writer Michael Pollan, who boils it down to a wonderfully simple maxim: Eat food [meaning real, not processed food], not too much, mostly plants. It is that simple.

(Also, did you know that over 70% of the dioxins - icky toxic chemicals - that end up in the human body get there from food consumption? All the fuss about BPA in water bottles and you could actually do more to reduce your exposure to these pollutants by not eating meat. Dioxins are stored in animal fat, which means every time you eat animals, you consume those chemicals.)

*It's cheaper. This isn't always the easiest argument to make, and certainly there are exceptions. If you are a lower income person who lives in the city, lacks easy access to transportation, and mostly shops at bodegas, no - it's not cheaper, and in fact it would be pretty difficult to be a healthy vegetarian. But for the average middle class person with easy access to supermarkets, you can save a lot of money by dropping meat from your grocery list, or just limiting it to a few meals a week. Staples like rice, beans, raw nuts, potatoes and pasta are some of the most inexpensive things you can buy at the supermarket. Produce can be found at reasonable prices if you buy seasonally (which many people do not). In addition, meat has hidden costs that we don't think about but most certainly do pay for - agricultural subsidies paid for by tax dollars to prop up all that corn-based animal feed, and health costs and insurance premiums that come from chronic diseases caused partly by poor nutrition, like diabetes and heart disease.

*It's delicious and easy to stick to. This is not a diet. Mike and I have both lost weight since we stopped eating meat and started eating better (real) foods, but it hasn't been something we've had to go out of our way to do. Initially, yes, we had to do a little research and learn how to make & eat meals that were not centered around meat, as most American meals are. But once you make the mental switch, it's not that challenging, you don't really miss meat, and the food is delicious. One thing that Mike and I have in common is that we love food. We never would have been able to stay with a "diet" that wasn't full of tasty, enjoyable food, or that forced us to nibble on grass while our stomachs growled. But, surprisingly (even to me), going vegetarian has been one of the easiest things we've ever done.

It's never too late to try something new, and no one says you have to go whole hog (as it were) and cut all meat consumption tomorrow. But try eating one more vegetarian meal per week and see how that goes. Then maybe try two. Three and we get all the metaphorical SUVs off the road and you might start to lose some pounds too. If you hate it, forget it. But chances are it won't be as hard as you might think, and who knows, you might even like it.

Monday, July 13, 2009

The Day I Learned What the Word Minority Meant...

Always in life there are lessons to be learned. Don't lick a frozen pole (it will rip your taste buds off) or don't wait till the very last moment to throw a firecracker (it's not a jumping jack) or especially don't leave the dirty movie tape in the VCR (that one may cause embarrassment/explanation). This is a story about learning the full meaning of abbreviated words.

It was the winter of '87 and I was a chubby 7th grader who was way ahead of his time. I was one of only four fat kids in the entire school. My parents were really into feeding me fast food, much like a lot of parents I see today. I was on a high fructose corn syrup diet. I guess I was some sort of bizarre trendsetter in a terrible kind of way now because there are way more fat kids than ever before (at least out here in Nebraska).

The principal had gotten on the loud speaker to announce that those students who would be interested in attending the "Mino-Expo" need to get permission slips from the guidance counselor. He explained that students would be going to SUNY Purchase (SUNY stands for State University of New York, and Purchase is this town in Westchester) and spending a Saturday learning about all the amenities that college has to offer.

I was a bit of an outcast back then and the only way I made people like me was by doing the "truffle shuffle" (if you don't know what that is, than click here ). I was always looking at the bright side though, and I knew that I wasn't always going to be an awkward teenager who had to humiliate himself in order to make friends. I could become a drunk fratboy who could humiliate himself for laughs!

I remember approaching the guidance counselor at school in order to ask for a permission slip (just to make the story more interesting click here if you are from New York and want to see who the guidance counselor reminded me of - CAUTION!!! there is an expletive that follows this link- hide the kiddies). She did this double take like I had asked her for her phone number or something, but she gave gave me a permission slip anyway.

On the day of the "Mino-Expo '87" I remember being so thrilled. "I'm gonna go to college someday, I'm not gonna be such a loser, these fellow students of mine can SUCK - IT!!!" That was my mind-set - I felt unbeatable.

I had noticed that none of the students that I semi-knew were going to the "Mino-Expo." I have to admit I was a tad bit disappointed that my fellow classmates had not given any consideration towards their college futures. Too bad losers.

When I got on the bus to go to the college I had given no thought to the fact that I was the only white kid on the bus. The town I grew up in had a fairly mixed racial demographic so it really wasn't too surprising for me to be "in the minority" (a term I had never heard of until about an hour later).

When we got into the auditorium it suddenly occured to me that something was not right. I quickly grabbed my seat in this theatre of close to 5,000 people thinking "what the hell is going on here?" It wasn't until the first speaker of the program gave a speech about helping African Americans and other minorities get a head start towards a college diploma that I knew I had made a terrible error. I remember slinking into my chair and literally trying to cover my white neck and dirty blonde hair into my winter jacket so people behind me might not recognize me, but to no avail.

The rest of the day I once again became an outcast, a role I was all too familiar with. I do remember seeing one other white guy that day, but at least he had brown eyes, unlike me the blue-eyed devil that I am.

When we got home sometime after 6 o'clock my sister Jen picked me up from the school. She wanted to know how my day went and did I like it. I remember so vividly our conversation. I said "I didn't know that 'mino' meant black people? Mino is short for minority?" She just giggled and said "Well, I guess today, YOU were the minority."

Badum-bum!!

Oops!

I forgot Saturday was my blogging day. I do apologize; the baby ate my brain.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Life without cable......

Much like everyone else in America, Erin and I have had our butts kicked in by the recession. I picked the perfect time to start working for a company whose bread and butter solely relies on the the building of houses, and Erin's trade is dependant on people upgrading their houses. Needless to say, we got kicked in the financial butt pretty hard.

One of our first financial layoffs we had to make at home was cable television. Cable has been in my life since I was a wee lad. My father (always being ahead of the curve) saw to it that we were the first people on our block to have cable. We were the second to have a VCR so he refused to let that travesty happen again. (Actually I can't remember, which came first? The VCR or cable? It's kind of like the chicken and the egg isn't it?) Cable practically raised me from a latch key kid to a crummy lover of a boyfriend.

When the time came it really was a no-brainer. It's hard to justify spending $100 a month when I had just been given a 10% pay cut at work. Besides, football season had already ended so there really was no excuse. The only thing I was gonna miss was Countdown with Keith Olbermann but hey, Obama had already won so mission accomplished.

We decided instead to get a subscription to Netflix which has been a real blessing in disguise. What we do is, we get the best TV series that are out there and we watch entire seasons. So without further ado I would like to point out some of the best series that we have watched and recommend some to you.

Mad Men - This was one of our favorites. If you have never seen this show before, that link will take you to the very first episode. If the first episode doesn't hook you in then you can go straight to hell. If you have seen both seasons, don't talk to me because Season 2 is coming out this week.

Battlestar Galactica - We are talking about the re-imagined series that just concluded a few months ago. If dorking out to sci-fi is anything of interest to you, then this is the one. I only wish that these guys who re-did Battlestar had re-done Star Wars. This show is borderline genius. In the 5 seasons that were created, I would say that 8 episodes sucked. The beauty of this show were the season ending cliff hangers. That is what kept us hooked. I'm sorry, I meant this is what we frackin' loved about the show.

Breaking Bad - This is another AMC drama that had me hooked right from the start. It stars the dad from Malcolm in the Middle as a high school chemistry teacher who learns that he has lung cancer. So he does what any normal person with a chemistry degree does when he finds out he has a year left to live. He becomes a Crystal Meth cook. I mean, why not? right? It almost seems like the show was written by some geek who knew a lot about chemistry and writing but could never kick anyone's ass. So instead he creates this alternate universe where chemistry guys are really hardcore. This show is not a good recommendation for the family or for people who are hypochondriacs especially about the cancer.

So these are our picks - if you have any other favorites please let us know. Currently we are watching Weeds. A show that has definitely "grown" on us (ha ha).

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Some favorite things

The following are some of my favorite things and places on the internet:

*GOOP. Goop has gotten such a pounding in the press, but I really don't understand why. It's true that I am probably never going to be able to use the issue about things to see in Paris, but many of the issues are useful or interesting, and I think Gwyneth's tone is friendly and unpretentious. Maybe I'm biased because this is the one celebrity with whom I am convinced I would be BFFs if we ever met, in a slightly creeper stalkerish way but not really. But I always loved her, even before I painted her house on Long Island a couple of years ago. I enjoyed her issue about Party Jams, and I have to say she totally rocks just based on the fact that her Party Jam list introduced me to Jaydiohead ... seriously, how cool is that?

*Ikea Hacker. I do love me some Ikea, and yet what's even cooler than Ikea is this website where random contributers show off their Ikea "hacks" - Ikea furniture and accessories that have been repurposed, chopped up and reassembled, or embellished in all sorts of creative ways. I don't really have the motivation or the motor skills to try something like this myself - or wait, I did use a pot hanger as a picture frame display, but that's pretty rudimentary. I am amazed by bedroom makeover hacks like these.

*Dogeared Jewelry. If you are not a girl, you may not be interested in this site; however, if you know any girls, this would be a good place to buy gifts. I am always a sucker for trinkets and amulets with special meanings, and a lot of these pieces come on a card with a message or fortune or set of magic words. The jewelry itself is simple but pretty.

*Run Pee. This is an ingenious idea and I totally wish I'd thought of it. If you like going to the movies but you hate having to miss part of the film while you dash to the restroom or refill your soda, next time make sure to look up the movie on Run Pee first. It lets you know specifically when to take your breaks without missing any of the action. Highly recommended for pregnant ladies and anyone with Overactive Bladder Syndrome.

*What Should I Read Next. Another great idea. It works somewhat like Netflix's movie recommendations in that it compares the books you like with the reading lists of others who liked those books, and makes recommendations. You can input as many books as you like, and also only select certain things from your list to get a recommendation - so for example, if you're in the mood for a mystery, include only the mysteries from your list of books you've read, and you'll get a recommendation based on that. They also have a beta site for film and music.

*FAIL blog. In terms of Internet culture, this is a slightly musty classic by now, but I think it's still good for a laugh. Any time you have your cranky pants on and some time to kill, take a look at the newest Fails and I can almost guarantee you'll cough up at least a giggle.