In Defense of Subtitles.....

We saw the movie "Inception" last week, it was good. I think. At least that is what I've been told to think, well, at least it made me think. I've been thinking about that movie over and over since I saw it, and if you're a simple man like me, trying to think and have nothing happen is very common. (If you did see the movie and are a little perplexed by what you just saw, luckily for us, there are really smart people who spent all sorts of money going to college only to end up having to explain movies like "Inception" to knuckleheads like me. Here is a very good explanation of what you just saw in the movie "Inception"....)

Here is my main gripe about that movie. They give this major part to this actor Ken Watanabe, a veteran Japanese actor who's been doing it for over 30 years. I'm sure he's a totally hip guy to be around, but the problem here is that THE DUDE CAN BARELY SPEAK ENGLISH!!!!!!! He ends up having this major important exchange with Leonardo DiCaprio at the end of the movie and I couldn't understand A SINGLE WORD OF IT!!!!!!! If you are gonna make a movie where every word matters, every minute detail means something even down to the song that is played over and over again (in French no less) don't you think it would help if you made sure that the actors annunciated their lines instead of mumbling them? I'm sure that somebody on set must have considered this.

Here's my proposal, let's embrace the use of subtitles!! That movie would have been so much better for me if they used subtitles every time Ken Watanabe spoke (Sheeet, they use subtitles every time Dennis Rodman speaks and he's from this country!!). Erin and I use subtitles all the time. We use subtitles for just about all the movies we watch and it works out brilliantly. Have you ever seen the movie "Hustle and Flow"? That movie is a real challenge for people without soul, in fact we didn't get past the first two minutes before I said "WHOA!! I can't understand a single word these people are saying, put on the subtitles..." Presto!! I could now understand the dirty south with no problemo!! What movies like that really need is a "honky translator" like this.....

Another awesome movie to watch with subtitles is "Sexy Beast". Not just because they are speaking with those stupid British accents, but because the script is so damn' good. That and "Trainspotting" two movies that are so much more enjoyable with subtitles because you can actually break through the language barrier.

We should have subtitles with everything, have you ever tried to listen to Shaquille O'Neal talk? here's a little Jamie Foxx impersonation of Shaq daddy, tell me he doesn't need a translator....

The master of all this butchering of the English language would have to be the Godfather of Soul James Brown. For your viewing pleasure..... I present to you....Eddie Murphy!!! (Back when he was funny)

I'm just saying that the world might be an easier place if we all embraced the use of subtitles. I know I won't be seeing the movie "Inception" again until it comes out on DVD so I can have my good friend the subtitle-er there to help me. Try it sometime.