My Poor Wife Had No Idea She Married a Knicks Fan.....

This past month and a half my beautiful wife had to witness an ugly side of me that she hardly knew existed. She had to witness the bizarre David-Banner-like transformation of a loyal, compassionate husband and father into a freakishly obsessed, painfully addicted, self-absorbed nut job known as a Knicks fan.

Ever since we met in 2003, I have been able to suppress my own personal Mr. Hyde from her rather easily. The Knicks were on year 3 or 4 of laying humongous turds in the NBA, and I, being a self-described fair weather fan, found it rather easy to pay little or no attention to their horrible play. Besides, I had devoted much of my late teens through mid twenties having my heart ripped out every spring by the likes of Michael Jordan, Reggie Miller, Pat "the Rat" Riley, and John Starks's abysmal 2 for 18 performance in game 7 of the 1994 NBA Finals. Taking a much needed emotional rest was the perfect remedy, and I also figured it might only take a year or two until they righted the ship and got everything back up and running, and I'd be there for them when they needed me. More importantly, I had a dart team to captain up in Boston and that took up most of my attention from 2003 to 2005 anyway.

Little did I know that the Knicks would manage to keep themselves insignificant for the next 7 years after my wife and I first met. She would sometimes get a hint of how much I secretly enjoyed basketball (like when the Celtics and Lakers met in the 2008 NBA Finals) but she still had no idea how ugly my obsession could get... until now.

It all started in May when that no good low-life LeBron James decided to quit on his team in the middle of a seven game series with the Boston Celtics. At the time I was thrilled because I thought, there is no way he is coming back to Cleveland, that guy just gave up on them, and since it has long been speculated that he always wanted to be in New York this is it!!! He's coming to the Knicks baby!!!! That was how it all started, on a weekday in May, when I knew for sure that LeBron James was not going back to Cleveland and that the only logical choice was to take his "talents" to Madison Square Garden aka "The World's Most Famous Arena." That was when I started talking to my poor wife about the one subject (besides soccer) that she couldn't care less about - basketball.

The entire month of June was like this bizarro countdown to Christmas that my wife had no idea mattered to me so much. She never really grasped how deep my interest/obsession in the Knicks ran. She was starting to get the idea when I started talking about how important the Knicks are to the NBA and how having a contender in New York is good for America and good for the Democrats in this coming mid-term election (why, I have no idea, obsession doesn't make sense, it's just an obsession). She would ask me about what I was thinking about when I would crack this huge Kool-Aid smile and she would say, "Let me guess, LeBron and the Knicks." I can't help it, I've got a one track mind sometimes.

When July 1st finally came, that was when the monster really came out. All I did for eight straight days was watch ESPN, listen to sports talk radio on many different formats (terrestrial radio, satellite radio, and internet podcast radio) and I would go to my new favorite source for everything Knicks, ultimateknicks.com. That website was the one that might get me in the most trouble - I can't stop looking at it, it's like meth for losers. Those 8 days were when my wife really knew something had changed. I would just lay awake at night thinking about what might happen - "Is he coming to New York or what? How could you turn this opportunity down? We're talking about over a billion dollars in endorsements!!!!"

So when the day finally came that Prince James decided to bolt Cleveland and head to the Knicks' hated rival the Miami Heat I felt nothing but empty. How could he do this? Why? Don't you know that nothing is sweeter than winning in New York? I have had a million thoughts about this since it happened and I was going to share (for those who are still reading) a five point power presentation on why LeBron is a chump for doing what he did the way he did it but even as I write this, I'm starting too see my wife's point that this has gone too far. I need to find the antidote to put this Knicks monster back inside the bottle... WAIT!!!! Did I hear that the Knicks might re-hire Isaiah Thomas as General Manager? Honey!!! I love you!!! I'm cured!!!! Hey Honey!!???!!! Honey!???!!!??? ERIN!!!!!!???????????