It was the winter of '87 and I was a chubby 7th grader who was way ahead of his time. I was one of only four fat kids in the entire school. My parents were really into feeding me fast food, much like a lot of parents I see today. I was on a high fructose corn syrup diet. I guess I was some sort of bizarre trendsetter in a terrible kind of way now because there are way more fat kids than ever before (at least out here in Nebraska).
The principal had gotten on the loud speaker to announce that those students who would be interested in attending the "Mino-Expo" need to get permission slips from the guidance counselor. He explained that students would be going to SUNY Purchase (SUNY stands for State University of New York, and Purchase is this town in Westchester) and spending a Saturday learning about all the amenities that college has to offer.
I was a bit of an outcast back then and the only way I made people like me was by doing the "truffle shuffle" (if you don't know what that is, than click here ). I was always looking at the bright side though, and I knew that I wasn't always going to be an awkward teenager who had to humiliate himself in order to make friends. I could become a drunk fratboy who could humiliate himself for laughs!
I remember approaching the guidance counselor at school in order to ask for a permission slip (just to make the story more interesting click here if you are from New York and want to see who the guidance counselor reminded me of - CAUTION!!! there is an expletive that follows this link- hide the kiddies). She did this double take like I had asked her for her phone number or something, but she gave gave me a permission slip anyway.
On the day of the "Mino-Expo '87" I remember being so thrilled. "I'm gonna go to college someday, I'm not gonna be such a loser, these fellow students of mine can SUCK - IT!!!" That was my mind-set - I felt unbeatable.
I had noticed that none of the students that I semi-knew were going to the "Mino-Expo." I have to admit I was a tad bit disappointed that my fellow classmates had not given any consideration towards their college futures. Too bad losers.
When I got on the bus to go to the college I had given no thought to the fact that I was the only white kid on the bus. The town I grew up in had a fairly mixed racial demographic so it really wasn't too surprising for me to be "in the minority" (a term I had never heard of until about an hour later).
When we got into the auditorium it suddenly occured to me that something was not right. I quickly grabbed my seat in this theatre of close to 5,000 people thinking "what the hell is going on here?" It wasn't until the first speaker of the program gave a speech about helping African Americans and other minorities get a head start towards a college diploma that I knew I had made a terrible error. I remember slinking into my chair and literally trying to cover my white neck and dirty blonde hair into my winter jacket so people behind me might not recognize me, but to no avail.
The rest of the day I once again became an outcast, a role I was all too familiar with. I do remember seeing one other white guy that day, but at least he had brown eyes, unlike me the blue-eyed devil that I am.
When we got home sometime after 6 o'clock my sister Jen picked me up from the school. She wanted to know how my day went and did I like it. I remember so vividly our conversation. I said "I didn't know that 'mino' meant black people? Mino is short for minority?" She just giggled and said "Well, I guess today, YOU were the minority."
Badum-bum!!
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